A client arrives and plops herself on my burrow.  "I don't know what to talk about today.  While I was driving, I was thinking virtually information technology, and I really don't take annihilation pressing."

In my more than-than-a-decade of practicing therapy, I've probably had 100 sessions start like this.  Some of them have turned into the almost productive, insight-oriented sessions of my career.  Having goose egg to talk nigh isn't a sign that in that location's something incorrect with therapy; information technology'southward an opportunity to peek under some unturned stones.

This is part and parcel to the style therapy is structured.  Therapy sessions are typically scheduled on a weekly, rather than "as needed", basis.  That's considering it's not about putting out fires as they emerge, and information technology's not most crisis direction.  Information technology'due south about learning to cope with the "tough stuff" ameliorate past developing deeper insight into yourself, your life, and your experiences.

Most people are propelled to come up to therapy by a crisis, or a recognition that there'southward an unsustainable blueprint in their lives.  At the outset, there is usually a lot to talk nearly – the challenges that brought you in, the history that gives context to what you're dealing with, and basic "getting to know you" stuff.

Then what do y'all do when you realize a few months in, upon arriving for your scheduled session, that there isn't actually anything that feels pressing?

Focus on the week'due south strengths.

Let's say yous're going to therapy to piece of work on your anxiety.  You become to x therapy sessions, many of which center around the ways anxiety has impacted you in the previous calendar week.  Y'all and your therapist delve into some combination of:

  1. Case of how feet showed up in the final calendar week.
  2. Exploration of anxiety triggers, besides as how yous managed that anxiety, and how you could have managed it better.
  3. Give-and-take about how this fits into the broader context of your experiences with anxiety.

But as you're driving to therapy, you realize anxiety hasn't actually affected yous very much in the previous week.  This presents an opportunity.  One of your goals is probably to decrease the frequency with which you lot experience anxious, and over the terminal week, that'due south been the case.

So now you accept the opportunity to focus on what made this calendar week different.  Did you avoid triggers, or did you cope with them in a new way?  Did you try something your therapist suggested, and discover it to be helpful or effective?  Did you discover something on your own that fabricated your anxiety feel less strong?

In other words, how did you mobilize your own strengths to make this week feel better?

Focus on underlying themes.

One of my favorite therapist acronyms is Moo-cow, which stands for "crunch of the week".  Then a therapist might write in their progress note, "Focused on Moo-cow related to not wanting to go to a work function, every bit well every bit underlying theme of imposter syndrome."

If you're the client in that note, a week when y'all don't have very much to say is an excellent opportunity to do a deep dive into your imposter syndrome.  When did y'all first detect this?  Can you lot remember a time in your childhood or adolescence when someone told you that you lot're not good plenty?  What fuels your fear that y'all're just faking information technology?

If you're mentally spinning on a COW, y'all don't really take the capacity to consider the broader context.  Therapy sessions without a crisis are a great opportunity to zoom out and gain more insight.

Talk about why talking is hard

If you don't have much to say, it could be that there isn't much on your heed, or not much has happened.  But it could also exist that something is standing in your way.  Here are a few things that could be a barrier to the usual easy flow of therapy:

  • You're mentally elsewhere.  A few years ago, I was deeply immersed in a writing project when I looked at the clock and realized it was time to leave the house and meet with my therapist.  We started the session, and I spacily told her that I had been elbow-deep in a weblog article.  I had trouble being present that 24-hour interval, and subsequently a few minutes, she said, "in your caput, yous're nevertheless sitting at your computer, aren't you?"  She encouraged me to have a few deep breaths, footing myself in the room, and then we had a productive session.
  • You're protecting yourself.  Did you lot permit uncomfortable parts of yourself be seen at your last session?  Sometimes when you've shared a lot, it tin be hard to sit with that vulnerability.  Maybe y'all're feeling embarrassed or aback.  Try telling your therapist that it's hard to talk to them because you experience weird that yous told them and so much in a previous session.  A good therapist volition validate these feelings and back up you in expressing them.
  • You're upset with your therapist.  Bank check in with yourself.  How are y'all feeling nigh your therapist?  Did they say something at your concluding session that made y'all experience judged or misunderstood?  Therapy is a relationship, and all relationships take the potential to run across rifts or uncomfortable moments.  If you realize you lot're harboring negative feelings, say something about what'southward upsetting you.  If your therapist handles information technology poorly, perhaps you'll decide to pursue support elsewhere… but if they express marvel, apologize, and own what they've done incorrect, it can be very healing to work through the conflict together.

Revisit your therapy goals

In our practice, during an early session, every client works with their therapist to build a list of therapy goals.  The point of this is to figure out what success would look like, and then that you lot're not coming in, week after week, with no "end game".  We put the goals in your file, and for longer-term clients, we revisit them with you annually.

If you've been coming in for awhile and feel like you don't have much to say, it tin can be helpful to review that list.  When your therapist goes through it with you, you may realize that 1 of the following things is true:

  • You've made a lot of great progress on your goals, and it's time to start thinking most a break from therapy.
  • You've never really touched on something yous identified as of import when yous started therapy.
  • In the preceding few weeks or months, you've been talking a lot about something that isn't anywhere on your goals list, and you lot'd like to add a new goal.

Any of these realizations are wonderful grist for the therapy mill.

What if you're working with a therapist exterior of our practice who didn't build a goal list with you at the beginning of therapy?  You can withal ask them to look back at their progress notes from your first few sessions, and to tell yous what you said y'all were hoping to become out of therapy.

When there's zippo to talk about, there'south plenty to talk about.

Some clients panic at the realization that they don't take annihilation to talk to their therapist almost, and overcorrect by bringing up something pocket-size and making a mountain out of a molehill.  Fifty minutes after, the therapist pats themself on the back.  "What a great session," I might say to myself.  "I really helped him through that problem."  But inevitably, the client leaves feeling a lot worse.

Why do people do this?  Sometimes it's about people pleasing – the customer wants their therapist to feel valued and important, and they're worried that if they don't bring a presenting concern into their session, the therapist will feel stuck.  Other times it's near wanting to justify the time and expense of a therapy session.  It can also be an attachment reaction – a fear that if they say, "I don't have much to talk about," their therapist volition declare them ready to "graduate" and the client will lose the stability of that human relationship.

But there's a lot to be washed when there'southward nothing immediately pressing.  Or, put otherwise, there'south a lot to talk about when there'due south nothing to talk nigh.